I used to look at other people's babies in the prams, in their arms and wished that they were mine! Oopss my secret is out!! One by one, my friends, colleagues and surrounding people were getting pregnant. I know two had unfortunately miscarriaged but then had got pregnant again. One had delivered already; the other is delivering in February. Even my Sister in law who is the same age as me already has a 6 year old son. Almost all my neighbours who are newly married couples like me already had their first kid.
Why me? Why can't I conceive?
Somehow I started to regret why I did not marry my hubby earlier. We knew and were together for 10 years before we settled down. In fact he had proposed to me 8 years ago
when we were much younger. Why didn't I agree then? Who knows by now my kid might be already attending Primary School! As what they say, it is easier to conceive when you are younger.
My mum had 3 children popping them like anything, one after every 2 years. Why did this happen to me? Plus she don't understand why I'm taking this long to conceive. You know, I'm sure this happens to all of us - It had never occurred to me that I would embark on this IVF route.
We had tried TCM for the past 2 years and consulted another fertility doctor previously, and did an IUI too which did not exceed. It had come to a point that I did not
want to waste any more time. We are no longer in our 20s or early 30s. Both my hubby and I are soon going to hit our 40s in a couple of years time.
Some nights were spent in tears in bed
asking myself when is my baby coming? Why me? I have not done any bad stuff. Checks with the doctor yield normal results - no blocked tubes, no problem with womb, etc. Everything was normal.
What's wrong? Why is it so difficult?
I was losing hope and faith as time goes on. It is a weary journey like scaling the highest mountain in the world with the summit so beyond me. At least, if I have the physical power, I can press on. But this TTC thingy, it is so out of my control! What can I do? All these regular TCMs, weekly acpunctures, not forgetting the long waiting time and the difficulty in making appointments are making me crazy!
It was then I decided to embark on the IVF route! Why?
Many reasons. But the most important one is because I simply need
a concrete plan to look forward to! And not waiting around for things to
happen. I knew I had to do something immediately as I feel I cannot carry on living my life normally. I lost interest in everything including my work. I wanted to quit.
Both of us are not young anymore. My eggs and his swimmers cannot
wait any longer. I found out that - for IVF - my eggs will be retreived this year, fertilised and stored, which means the age of my eggs are at my present age. If I'm lucky, I can have a few rounds of transfer which means the following years when I want a second child, I can use my fertilised "younger" eggs. Therefore I scheduled myself with KKH for IVF before our eggs and spermies get older and worse off. Moreover, they are giving government grants until age 40. I reckon I don't have many years to play with. Lucky my hubby just followed along my idea.
After I made the decision, I felt much better and I had a more "foreseeable" goal to work towards to - something that I can look forward to, even at work when I motivate myself.
At the same time, I know I need TCM to "tiao" my body so that my body, my womb is in the optimal stage to carry the baby till full term if I really really BFP.
So thereafter everyday, my life was rotated between seeing TCM, taking the yukky tasting TCM medicine, doing weekly acpuncture, engaging myself in some exercise and healthier food, staying off cold drinks and food, cutting down on coffee and tea, while waiting for my IVF slot in August 2011.
But no luck! I failed my first fresh cycle in August. I had put in two good grade embroyos (Grade 4 and 5 according to KKH's standards) but they did not implant. It was truly very heart
breaking although I was prepared that I may not be so lucky to succeed he first
round. Don't know why - tears just flowed down, everywhere I went in the first 3 days, in the car, in the toilet, even when eating meals, when I'm alone or with my hubby.
After 3 days, I tell myself to buck up - I have another chance - I will go for another transfer again and re-scheduled myself for the October slot with KKH.
For what happens next, you can refer to my earlier posts. Since then, I have never looked back!
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Preparing myself for IVF and conceiving
Just wanted to share with you on what I have done to prepare myself for IVF and conceiving. I hope this helps you in some way...
1) Cut down on my coffee and (ang mo) tea - to about once a week
2) Drink warm or hot water at all times (to the extent that I buy a small thermal flask and carry it out wherever I do)
3) Stay off all cold drinks and food completely (there goes my ice cream, jap. cold noodles, even cold cut fruits etc)
4) Wear socks when sleeping if possible (I'm scared of cold at my feet)
5) Wear slippers when at home (my flooring is made of tiles, too cold for me)
6) Drink Longan Red Date drink (about once or twice a week)
7) Tries to exercise regularly (to improve qi circulation)
8) Sleep earlier, do not have late nights (I try to knock off not too late from work)
9) Eat healthy snacks like unsalted fruits and nuts (stop all my potato chips) (For my FET, I forgot to buy Brazil nuts)
10) Weekly, or twice a week acpuncture (if I can make it) at Dr Zou Yi Min (at AMK) for 6 months before my ET. (But before that, I also went to Dr Tan Kian Sing (at TCM) for acpuncture but as his appointements are so packed month by month, I went to AMK to Dr Zou)
11) Acpuncture at Raffles Hospital TCM with Dr Jin Jin Hua during the week of ET. Took up the IVF Booster package which consist of 5 times (about $400+). I need 2 sessions before ET and 3 sessions after ET. (Reason was that I don't want to tire myself from travelling to AMK since I don't drive and I heard that its okay to do acpuncture after ET as long as its at the right places - its to help implantation mainly. A friend shared the she and her SIL also went for this package and had conceived!)
12) Went to temples (Guan Yin Miao @ Bugis and Zu Shen Niang Niang@ Toa Payoh) to pray pray. I collected 2 eggs from ZSNN and ate at home with my hubby. They are given by other couples who had gotten pregnant.
13) Be disciplined in taking my TCM. (Yes; very yuckky i know, disgusting but no choice)
14) Went for healings of course!
1) Cut down on my coffee and (ang mo) tea - to about once a week
2) Drink warm or hot water at all times (to the extent that I buy a small thermal flask and carry it out wherever I do)
3) Stay off all cold drinks and food completely (there goes my ice cream, jap. cold noodles, even cold cut fruits etc)
4) Wear socks when sleeping if possible (I'm scared of cold at my feet)
5) Wear slippers when at home (my flooring is made of tiles, too cold for me)
6) Drink Longan Red Date drink (about once or twice a week)
7) Tries to exercise regularly (to improve qi circulation)
8) Sleep earlier, do not have late nights (I try to knock off not too late from work)
9) Eat healthy snacks like unsalted fruits and nuts (stop all my potato chips) (For my FET, I forgot to buy Brazil nuts)
10) Weekly, or twice a week acpuncture (if I can make it) at Dr Zou Yi Min (at AMK) for 6 months before my ET. (But before that, I also went to Dr Tan Kian Sing (at TCM) for acpuncture but as his appointements are so packed month by month, I went to AMK to Dr Zou)
11) Acpuncture at Raffles Hospital TCM with Dr Jin Jin Hua during the week of ET. Took up the IVF Booster package which consist of 5 times (about $400+). I need 2 sessions before ET and 3 sessions after ET. (Reason was that I don't want to tire myself from travelling to AMK since I don't drive and I heard that its okay to do acpuncture after ET as long as its at the right places - its to help implantation mainly. A friend shared the she and her SIL also went for this package and had conceived!)
12) Went to temples (Guan Yin Miao @ Bugis and Zu Shen Niang Niang@ Toa Payoh) to pray pray. I collected 2 eggs from ZSNN and ate at home with my hubby. They are given by other couples who had gotten pregnant.
13) Be disciplined in taking my TCM. (Yes; very yuckky i know, disgusting but no choice)
14) Went for healings of course!
Friday, December 16, 2011
Still going for my weekly healing
Although I have gotten the BFP, I tell myself to enjoy the pregnancy and be stress free, be happy so that my little one will be a cheerful happy baby.
Only after 9 months when the baby is safely in my hands, I can then rest my heart. But then, another set of worries comes along. It's never easy being a mummy.
I will still continue to go for my healings. I see it as "An Tai". I feel good having weekly healings to know how my little one is doing as my next doctor appointment is so farway - in January 2012 (that will be week 10). Long wait.......
Only after 9 months when the baby is safely in my hands, I can then rest my heart. But then, another set of worries comes along. It's never easy being a mummy.
I will still continue to go for my healings. I see it as "An Tai". I feel good having weekly healings to know how my little one is doing as my next doctor appointment is so farway - in January 2012 (that will be week 10). Long wait.......
About distance healing again...
Someone asked me about distance healing.
What I can share is that for my case ...
1) If I'm unwell, I can ask my Lao Shi (Mdm Tan) to do distant healing to make me feel better.
For example, I had bleeding during my 2ww, I was very scared and worried and quickly asked Mdm Tan to help me. This means without seeing and touching me physically, she can provide the energy healing to make me feel better, well.....help me...like...through space.. (I know it's probably difficult to understand and explain in scientific terms but it's how it works and I believe it works). Bascially, you can request for distant healing if you need help on an emergency basis and can't travel to meet her (like so sick in bed). However you need to be her customer first - she needs to see you face to face and have the physical healing first - basically from what I know, she must feel your energy field and tune in with it before she can administer the distance healing in future (if you need it). (Well, something like that. You can goggle to find out more..)
2) I also asked for distant healing to take care of my frozen babies. You can read my earlier post.
What I can say is that I have found that Mdm Tan's healing really helped me and I just like to share this with everyone of you. I have been through it and I know how it all feels like.
If you have failed your IUI or IVF or gotten that BFN, nevermind!!! It's alright!! I know the same feeling. You know, all my HPT had expired without being even used - My menses came everytime and I did not have even a chance to use them. Until a point in time that I stopped buying. Very jia lat right? Yes that's me.
While waiting for your turn again for the next slot, I think you should give this a try. I believe she has a pair of healing hands, just waiting to help all of us!! Don't miss it. You will surely feel the difference. Like what another lady has shared with me, she has been so positive after seeing Mdm Tan and I wish her all the best - she is trying naturally this month!
Some people has asked me very "cheem" questions. Like to explain healing in factual terms, the implications etc. I don't know how to answer you. Suggest you google for more information. Bascially, if you believe this can help, then just go with an open mind. If you don't believe and is uncomfortable about it, very simple, then don't go.
Do you believe in fate? I do believe myself.
If there is fate, 2 persons will meet. If there is no fate, we won't meet.
All the Best!
What I can share is that for my case ...
1) If I'm unwell, I can ask my Lao Shi (Mdm Tan) to do distant healing to make me feel better.
For example, I had bleeding during my 2ww, I was very scared and worried and quickly asked Mdm Tan to help me. This means without seeing and touching me physically, she can provide the energy healing to make me feel better, well.....help me...like...through space.. (I know it's probably difficult to understand and explain in scientific terms but it's how it works and I believe it works). Bascially, you can request for distant healing if you need help on an emergency basis and can't travel to meet her (like so sick in bed). However you need to be her customer first - she needs to see you face to face and have the physical healing first - basically from what I know, she must feel your energy field and tune in with it before she can administer the distance healing in future (if you need it). (Well, something like that. You can goggle to find out more..)
2) I also asked for distant healing to take care of my frozen babies. You can read my earlier post.
What I can say is that I have found that Mdm Tan's healing really helped me and I just like to share this with everyone of you. I have been through it and I know how it all feels like.
If you have failed your IUI or IVF or gotten that BFN, nevermind!!! It's alright!! I know the same feeling. You know, all my HPT had expired without being even used - My menses came everytime and I did not have even a chance to use them. Until a point in time that I stopped buying. Very jia lat right? Yes that's me.
While waiting for your turn again for the next slot, I think you should give this a try. I believe she has a pair of healing hands, just waiting to help all of us!! Don't miss it. You will surely feel the difference. Like what another lady has shared with me, she has been so positive after seeing Mdm Tan and I wish her all the best - she is trying naturally this month!
Some people has asked me very "cheem" questions. Like to explain healing in factual terms, the implications etc. I don't know how to answer you. Suggest you google for more information. Bascially, if you believe this can help, then just go with an open mind. If you don't believe and is uncomfortable about it, very simple, then don't go.
Do you believe in fate? I do believe myself.
If there is fate, 2 persons will meet. If there is no fate, we won't meet.
All the Best!
My little one playing hide and seek @ Week 7
Just finished my healing session. I always loved these sessions as there is always new updates of my little beanie. I'm always so greedy for them!
This is how it goes :
Me : How?
Laoshi (Mdm Tan): No worries. The little one is very active, growing nice but very naughty!!
Me: Huh?? Why naughty? How u know?
LS: I can feel it. When I put my hands on the left, the little one runs to the left. When I find the baby, the baby runs again... Your baby is having fun. Floating around, swimming very happily.
Me : Really?? You felt it??
(I laughed with Gee! Good leh!! Mummy is so happy for you!)
LS : Yes, I can feel the baby movements during healing. Your baby is so playful and active!
Me : How about now? Can you feel the baby under the healing session?
LS touches my tummy and says : Now no longer. Only during healing session, I can feel the baby very strongly - swimming around like playing hide n seek with me. I also saw four little limbs coming out.
Me : Wah! Like that is it? ( I took out my I phone and showed her the Baby Lite App at 7 weeks. It shows colorful images of the growth of our baby.)
LS : And the baby enjoys warmth. I give warmth from my hands. When given warmth, the baby stays quiet and enjoys in comfort, not running around anymore.
I start to feel and visualize my little one being cradled and enjoying the warmth of being cuddled.
Maybe little one is putting on a pair of sun glasses, basking in the sunlight enjoying the nice warm feeling! Whahhahaha!! Oh no, your mummy going crazy with happiness already. Tonight cannot sleep again. Mdm Tan always makes me cannot sleep with happiness!
Me : (I put my hand on my tummy and tells LS) Heee, I also cannot feel anything. Of course lah, I'm not so powerful like you, Lao Shi.
I can't wait to tell my hubby about this.
Actually, you know, at 7 weeks, I did not have much "feel"about my little beanie. Yes, I'm the guilty mummy who seldom talks to my little beanie (although I read online that many mummies have already started talking to them). Maybe because I can't "feel" the little one yet. I am still living each day the same as before - no cramps, no morning sickness, not much loss of appetite, no headaches, no cravings... Everything is too normal!!! Normal until quite scary....
But its good too! I don't want all the morning sickness and what soever - so uncomfortable! I only had loss of appetite like a total of approx 4 times during week 5 to 6. A bit like something stuck at the throat for about 3 days during week 6 only. I believe it must have been the healings that makes me pass each day like a breeze..... I don't even feel pregnant, except my tummy like slightly fatter.
Now that Mdm Tan tells me about my active beanie, it suddenly becomes like sooo REAL!!! Just that our human hands are not gifted at this stage to feel anything inside the tummy yet, but our baby is already playing, maybe somersaulting inside already!!! Gosh!!! So real!!!
I simply loved healing sessions!! You can guess why by now!!
This is how it goes :
Me : How?
Laoshi (Mdm Tan): No worries. The little one is very active, growing nice but very naughty!!
Me: Huh?? Why naughty? How u know?
LS: I can feel it. When I put my hands on the left, the little one runs to the left. When I find the baby, the baby runs again... Your baby is having fun. Floating around, swimming very happily.
Me : Really?? You felt it??
(I laughed with Gee! Good leh!! Mummy is so happy for you!)
LS : Yes, I can feel the baby movements during healing. Your baby is so playful and active!
Me : How about now? Can you feel the baby under the healing session?
LS touches my tummy and says : Now no longer. Only during healing session, I can feel the baby very strongly - swimming around like playing hide n seek with me. I also saw four little limbs coming out.
Me : Wah! Like that is it? ( I took out my I phone and showed her the Baby Lite App at 7 weeks. It shows colorful images of the growth of our baby.)
LS : And the baby enjoys warmth. I give warmth from my hands. When given warmth, the baby stays quiet and enjoys in comfort, not running around anymore.
I start to feel and visualize my little one being cradled and enjoying the warmth of being cuddled.
Maybe little one is putting on a pair of sun glasses, basking in the sunlight enjoying the nice warm feeling! Whahhahaha!! Oh no, your mummy going crazy with happiness already. Tonight cannot sleep again. Mdm Tan always makes me cannot sleep with happiness!
Me : (I put my hand on my tummy and tells LS) Heee, I also cannot feel anything. Of course lah, I'm not so powerful like you, Lao Shi.
I can't wait to tell my hubby about this.
Actually, you know, at 7 weeks, I did not have much "feel"about my little beanie. Yes, I'm the guilty mummy who seldom talks to my little beanie (although I read online that many mummies have already started talking to them). Maybe because I can't "feel" the little one yet. I am still living each day the same as before - no cramps, no morning sickness, not much loss of appetite, no headaches, no cravings... Everything is too normal!!! Normal until quite scary....
But its good too! I don't want all the morning sickness and what soever - so uncomfortable! I only had loss of appetite like a total of approx 4 times during week 5 to 6. A bit like something stuck at the throat for about 3 days during week 6 only. I believe it must have been the healings that makes me pass each day like a breeze..... I don't even feel pregnant, except my tummy like slightly fatter.
Now that Mdm Tan tells me about my active beanie, it suddenly becomes like sooo REAL!!! Just that our human hands are not gifted at this stage to feel anything inside the tummy yet, but our baby is already playing, maybe somersaulting inside already!!! Gosh!!! So real!!!
I simply loved healing sessions!! You can guess why by now!!
Friday, December 9, 2011
The Blink Blink Day @ Week 6
Yes, this is the long awaited day - the blink blink day!
Waited for my turn at KKH. I was so late for appointment due to the rain - about half an hour.
When it was finally my turn to go in, I was quite nervous. Actually not very nervous because I already knew the result! Mdm Tan told me already! But still somehow kan chiong nevertheless.
Doc Loh uses the abdominal scan and says "Hmm, too small can't see clearly. We do the other scan ok?"
Me : Will it harm the baby?
Doc : No, usually nothing except some people may have some spotting or slight bleeding.
Me : Ok. ( I know that little blink blink is there just like what Mdm Tan says! Sure it's there! I just want Doc to confirm only!)
Doc : Husband can come in to see. Yes, see see - got a blinking heartbeat. Congrats! Baby is doing well. The length from the crown to the rump is 5.7mm. This is the sac and here is the heartbeat and the fetal pole. Good.
Hooray!!!
All is within Mdm Tan's expectations! We are both so happy and relieved. Another hurdle has been cleared!
Left the clinic with a little print out of my little one!
During this journey, the wait for the heart beat is the most scary wait.... the next one is the 2 week wait for HPT! Luckily, I have Mdm Tan to give me advanced update!!! I don't think I can survive the wait myself. So thankful to Mdm Tan once again.
Waited for my turn at KKH. I was so late for appointment due to the rain - about half an hour.
When it was finally my turn to go in, I was quite nervous. Actually not very nervous because I already knew the result! Mdm Tan told me already! But still somehow kan chiong nevertheless.
Doc Loh uses the abdominal scan and says "Hmm, too small can't see clearly. We do the other scan ok?"
Me : Will it harm the baby?
Doc : No, usually nothing except some people may have some spotting or slight bleeding.
Me : Ok. ( I know that little blink blink is there just like what Mdm Tan says! Sure it's there! I just want Doc to confirm only!)
Doc : Husband can come in to see. Yes, see see - got a blinking heartbeat. Congrats! Baby is doing well. The length from the crown to the rump is 5.7mm. This is the sac and here is the heartbeat and the fetal pole. Good.
Hooray!!!
All is within Mdm Tan's expectations! We are both so happy and relieved. Another hurdle has been cleared!
Left the clinic with a little print out of my little one!
During this journey, the wait for the heart beat is the most scary wait.... the next one is the 2 week wait for HPT! Luckily, I have Mdm Tan to give me advanced update!!! I don't think I can survive the wait myself. So thankful to Mdm Tan once again.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Little one tossing around
Just had my healing session. Was feeling so relaxed that I dozed off again and awoke when its towards the ending time.
Mdm Tan tells me she feels my little one is growing stronger and tossing around happily inside my tummy.
So happy and relieved that all is doing well. My next appointment is to hear the little one's heart beat and I am looking forward to this special day, 9 Dec (with a special meaning too)!
Mdm Tan tells me she feels my little one is growing stronger and tossing around happily inside my tummy.
So happy and relieved that all is doing well. My next appointment is to hear the little one's heart beat and I am looking forward to this special day, 9 Dec (with a special meaning too)!
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Thank you!
Repeated my BT result and it's 287 on 14 day past transfer. Very happy!
Mdm Tan, thank you for your gift of healing touch and for making my dreams come true - finally got my long awaited BFP!
Had been trying to conceive for the past 3 years, seen many TCMs and failed one IUI and one IVF fresh. For a while, I lived in "darkness", lost hope and direction in my life. You have helped me re-gain my confidence and positivity in life.
Although this is only the beginning, I have trust and faith in reaching my destination with your divine help - I'm looking forward to carrying my cute little bundle of joy in my hands. And I want to conceive naturally for my second child with your help as well.
Thank you once again!!
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
If you're having difficulty in conceiving a child just like me and have exhausted many means, you may want to look into this holistic way. Sometimes, western including chinese methods of diagnosis provided few clues or concrete conclusions.
Who knows; miracles may just happen? Give yourself a chance.
If you're keen to know more, here is the website : http://www.yoga-inn.com/
Just give Mdm Valencia Tan a ring or sms.
I wish you all the luck and BFP soon!!! Everyone Jia You!!!
Mdm Tan, thank you for your gift of healing touch and for making my dreams come true - finally got my long awaited BFP!
Had been trying to conceive for the past 3 years, seen many TCMs and failed one IUI and one IVF fresh. For a while, I lived in "darkness", lost hope and direction in my life. You have helped me re-gain my confidence and positivity in life.
Although this is only the beginning, I have trust and faith in reaching my destination with your divine help - I'm looking forward to carrying my cute little bundle of joy in my hands. And I want to conceive naturally for my second child with your help as well.
Thank you once again!!
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
If you're having difficulty in conceiving a child just like me and have exhausted many means, you may want to look into this holistic way. Sometimes, western including chinese methods of diagnosis provided few clues or concrete conclusions.
Who knows; miracles may just happen? Give yourself a chance.
If you're keen to know more, here is the website : http://www.yoga-inn.com/
Just give Mdm Valencia Tan a ring or sms.
I wish you all the luck and BFP soon!!! Everyone Jia You!!!
Friday, November 25, 2011
I saw red during the 2ww
Yesterday while at work, I saw red!
I rushed down to KKH and pestered the nurses for the Beta BT. It was really not easy. They gave me so many excuses and wanted me to return on the actual test date. Heck care them!
At the same time, I smsed Mdm Tan to help me. (Save me please!)
She did a distance healing and told me that I will be fine - I will be pregnant and my reading will be in the region of 100 plus.
Was relieved and thankful!
Waited and waited. Finally the result is out! I rushed back to O&G.
Yes, the nurse passed me the paper - HCG beta is at 102.7 (tested on 12 days post transfer).
That means pregnant!!!! Its official now!!! Yipeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!
I quickly smsed Mdm Tan to tell her this good news.
Went over to TPS and asked the nurse to squeeze me in to see Dr Loh. Thankfully Dr Loh agreed, but I will be the last one to see him. Means got to wait from 6pm to 9/ 10pm. .
Mdm Tan is so kind. It was drizzling and she came by KKH to accompany me for dinner, talked to me and to wait for the doctor. (My hubby was not around).
Time passes real quickly and I was given a jab to stabilise the pregnancy and also prescribed with Duphaston and increased dosage of Progonova. Dr Loh asked me to return tomorrow on Friday for another Beta BT again.
Until now, there is no more bleeding or spotting. Good that I was given that jab!
Hoping, praying from the bottom of my heart that all is doing well and my beta will increase.
Mdm Tan says it will!
I rushed down to KKH and pestered the nurses for the Beta BT. It was really not easy. They gave me so many excuses and wanted me to return on the actual test date. Heck care them!
At the same time, I smsed Mdm Tan to help me. (Save me please!)
She did a distance healing and told me that I will be fine - I will be pregnant and my reading will be in the region of 100 plus.
Was relieved and thankful!
Waited and waited. Finally the result is out! I rushed back to O&G.
Yes, the nurse passed me the paper - HCG beta is at 102.7 (tested on 12 days post transfer).
That means pregnant!!!! Its official now!!! Yipeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!
I quickly smsed Mdm Tan to tell her this good news.
Went over to TPS and asked the nurse to squeeze me in to see Dr Loh. Thankfully Dr Loh agreed, but I will be the last one to see him. Means got to wait from 6pm to 9/ 10pm. .
Mdm Tan is so kind. It was drizzling and she came by KKH to accompany me for dinner, talked to me and to wait for the doctor. (My hubby was not around).
Time passes real quickly and I was given a jab to stabilise the pregnancy and also prescribed with Duphaston and increased dosage of Progonova. Dr Loh asked me to return tomorrow on Friday for another Beta BT again.
Until now, there is no more bleeding or spotting. Good that I was given that jab!
Hoping, praying from the bottom of my heart that all is doing well and my beta will increase.
Mdm Tan says it will!
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Waiting for the big day again - HPT day
According to TCM, I have a "cold" womb, so I must keep taking hot stuff eg. warm water, hot soups, etc. Yes - I need the warmth and energy to spread to my "cold" womb and "de-freeze" it!
Here is a link for more information - Like what it says,
“Cold womb” not only causes the wrong temperature for the embryo to grow, like a seed growing in chilly weather, but also congeals the blood inhibiting uterine circulation.
http://www.acupuncture-dfw.com/unexplainedinfer.html
Mdm Tan, please energise my womb. Make it a nice and warm place for my babies to survive, to grow and implant deep deep.
Continues my healing sessions while waiting for the big Beta day.
Mdm Tan tells me to stay positive and relaxed - I will be blessed with a BFP.
I can see that she is as excited as me!
I feel very happy with her assurances - I'm now very much looking forward to this journey to the next step ahead.
Here is a link for more information - Like what it says,
“Cold womb” not only causes the wrong temperature for the embryo to grow, like a seed growing in chilly weather, but also congeals the blood inhibiting uterine circulation.
http://www.acupuncture-dfw.com/unexplainedinfer.html
Mdm Tan, please energise my womb. Make it a nice and warm place for my babies to survive, to grow and implant deep deep.
Continues my healing sessions while waiting for the big Beta day.
Mdm Tan tells me to stay positive and relaxed - I will be blessed with a BFP.
I can see that she is as excited as me!
I feel very happy with her assurances - I'm now very much looking forward to this journey to the next step ahead.
Sunday, November 13, 2011
2 precious little ones inside me
I just had my Embroyo Transfer. Everything was good and is a breeze so far.
Yeah - Dr Loh confirmed that I had 2 embbies to use. Both are grade 2.
During my last ET in August, I had a difficult time - Dr Loh took about 20 min. In fact, he tried for 10 min and got irritated. Scolded the nurse. I suspected either his mood is no good or he is irriated by my "complicated insides".
He asked me not to be so stressed with such stiff legs. He is still opolite to me. He asked me to pee (to empty half my bladder) first.
OK, so I stepped down and released half my bladder. Wah, shiok~~
Then I climbed up the chair again and Dr Loh tried again. I waited waited and finally I heard him say "Finally found it!".
Alemak! What does this mean? Sounds like very complicated?
He smiled and said "Good Luck"
"Is mine very difficutlt? Why you say Finally found it? " I asked him
"Yes, yours is like a maze and not all doctors can do it." He replied.
This was his exact words.
This time, I was glad that my ET only took 5 mins. Just like what Mdm Tan told me. Thank you for this miracle!
I'm now officially in the 2 week wait! I will BFP with grade 2 embbies!
I remember someone in SMF BFP with grade 2 embby and went on to deliver the baby. I will be like her too!
Yeah - Dr Loh confirmed that I had 2 embbies to use. Both are grade 2.
During my last ET in August, I had a difficult time - Dr Loh took about 20 min. In fact, he tried for 10 min and got irritated. Scolded the nurse. I suspected either his mood is no good or he is irriated by my "complicated insides".
He asked me not to be so stressed with such stiff legs. He is still opolite to me. He asked me to pee (to empty half my bladder) first.
OK, so I stepped down and released half my bladder. Wah, shiok~~
Then I climbed up the chair again and Dr Loh tried again. I waited waited and finally I heard him say "Finally found it!".
Alemak! What does this mean? Sounds like very complicated?
He smiled and said "Good Luck"
"Is mine very difficutlt? Why you say Finally found it? " I asked him
"Yes, yours is like a maze and not all doctors can do it." He replied.
This was his exact words.
This time, I was glad that my ET only took 5 mins. Just like what Mdm Tan told me. Thank you for this miracle!
I'm now officially in the 2 week wait! I will BFP with grade 2 embbies!
I remember someone in SMF BFP with grade 2 embby and went on to deliver the baby. I will be like her too!
Saturday, November 12, 2011
ET day
Thank you to Mdm Tan for her help!
I just received her message early in the morning saying that my 2 snow babies are okie, and my ET process will be very fast, just 5 min, not like my previous experience of 20 min.
Yes, I will have 2 for ET!!! Yippeeeee!!!
My wish is to have 2 for transfer, so as to increase my chances of conceiving! Heee Heee.....
Now at KKH still waiting for my turn to be called into the operation room.
Such a long wait.............. its scheduled at 9 am and its now almost 11 am. Saw my Dr Loh walking in and out of the operating room. Is he going to see patients again or is he going for delivery?
I shall be patient.... but my hubby is complaining already........Aiyooo......
I just received her message early in the morning saying that my 2 snow babies are okie, and my ET process will be very fast, just 5 min, not like my previous experience of 20 min.
Yes, I will have 2 for ET!!! Yippeeeee!!!
My wish is to have 2 for transfer, so as to increase my chances of conceiving! Heee Heee.....
Now at KKH still waiting for my turn to be called into the operation room.
Such a long wait.............. its scheduled at 9 am and its now almost 11 am. Saw my Dr Loh walking in and out of the operating room. Is he going to see patients again or is he going for delivery?
I shall be patient.... but my hubby is complaining already........Aiyooo......
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Distance Healing - Protection time
Will my 3 little ones survive the thaw? Will they be strong? They are only grade 3 with only 6 cells when frozen. Not so fanastic.
According to this website, they should at least have 7-10 cells after 72 hours (3 day) for a 3-day embroyo. Mine only 6 cells which is below average.
http://www.advancedfertility.com/embryoquality.htm
I feel so so so soooooo worried. If they can't make it past thawing, I will have nothing left to use. No more FET for me and I will have to start fresh. Even Dr Loh and Dr Marianne is moving on. I will be stuck!
I really prayed very hard that KKH will not call me tomorrow morning telling me the bad news "no need to go for ET".
My embbies are just border line cases - only grade 3. How many will fall to grade 2? How many to grade 1? How many cannot use?
I asked for help again.......... Mdm Tan please help my 3 little snow babies. I want to have my ET on Friday,
Mdm Tan did a distance healing for my 3 snow babies - she will try her best to "protect" them with love and care, so that they can survive the thawing process. Poor little ones. I will await for her good news tomorrow. She says she will sms me tomorrow on Friday morning.
Don't believe in Divine, also cannot.
At this stage, nobody can help - Not even doctors, TCM can't help. It's all left to God's will as some people say. I prayed to Kwan Im Temple. I asked Mdm Tan for help. I hoped and prayed very very hard.
It is now a waiting game...........
Poor Mdm Tan, she must be feeling as stressed as me, I guess..
According to this website, they should at least have 7-10 cells after 72 hours (3 day) for a 3-day embroyo. Mine only 6 cells which is below average.
http://www.advancedfertility.com/embryoquality.htm
I feel so so so soooooo worried. If they can't make it past thawing, I will have nothing left to use. No more FET for me and I will have to start fresh. Even Dr Loh and Dr Marianne is moving on. I will be stuck!
I really prayed very hard that KKH will not call me tomorrow morning telling me the bad news "no need to go for ET".
My embbies are just border line cases - only grade 3. How many will fall to grade 2? How many to grade 1? How many cannot use?
I asked for help again.......... Mdm Tan please help my 3 little snow babies. I want to have my ET on Friday,
Mdm Tan did a distance healing for my 3 snow babies - she will try her best to "protect" them with love and care, so that they can survive the thawing process. Poor little ones. I will await for her good news tomorrow. She says she will sms me tomorrow on Friday morning.
Don't believe in Divine, also cannot.
At this stage, nobody can help - Not even doctors, TCM can't help. It's all left to God's will as some people say. I prayed to Kwan Im Temple. I asked Mdm Tan for help. I hoped and prayed very very hard.
It is now a waiting game...........
Poor Mdm Tan, she must be feeling as stressed as me, I guess..
Thursday, November 3, 2011
First scan - good lining
My first scan is today and I'm blessed with 10mm, triple!
Grinning from ear to ear. The duty doctor says that I can have my ET this Friday.
Looks rosy and good - everything is going on fine and at a good pace. No hiccups along the way. Most glad that I can still catch Dr Loh to have ET by him before he leaves.
In fact, Mdm Tan's message to me last week was that I will have 10mm. It is true!
Now its kia-su time, I will go for intensive healing sessions now to prepare myself for the very important ET day - Decided to go 3 times a week.
To be frank, I also feel the pinch in my pocket. I convinced myself that it will all be worthwhile for my BFP. I need to make this work, without any regrets. At least I am answerable to myself that I have tried my best.
Money can be earned back. Everything else can wait. Time and baby cannot wait. (Haha, my age also cannot wait.)
I don't wish to go for another IVF fresh again costing at least S$10,000 (KKH pricing) with all the injections, pain and medication in my body.
If I follow Dr Loh to his private practice, I don't know how I can afford it.....and I need to make it happen this time, as I don't have many embbies left..... just 3 little ones.
I think I won't have chance to do another FET. I'm not blessed like some ladies who have 10 over frozen embbies...
Grinning from ear to ear. The duty doctor says that I can have my ET this Friday.
Looks rosy and good - everything is going on fine and at a good pace. No hiccups along the way. Most glad that I can still catch Dr Loh to have ET by him before he leaves.
In fact, Mdm Tan's message to me last week was that I will have 10mm. It is true!
Now its kia-su time, I will go for intensive healing sessions now to prepare myself for the very important ET day - Decided to go 3 times a week.
To be frank, I also feel the pinch in my pocket. I convinced myself that it will all be worthwhile for my BFP. I need to make this work, without any regrets. At least I am answerable to myself that I have tried my best.
Money can be earned back. Everything else can wait. Time and baby cannot wait. (Haha, my age also cannot wait.)
I don't wish to go for another IVF fresh again costing at least S$10,000 (KKH pricing) with all the injections, pain and medication in my body.
If I follow Dr Loh to his private practice, I don't know how I can afford it.....and I need to make it happen this time, as I don't have many embbies left..... just 3 little ones.
I think I won't have chance to do another FET. I'm not blessed like some ladies who have 10 over frozen embbies...
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Starting my FET now
So many worries on this TTC journey.
I'm glad my AF came and I quickly called KKH to report.
Mine is a medicated cycle with Prognovoya tablets for 10 days (and so).
Happy that everything is going on schedule. I need to catch my precious Dr Loh (and his magical hands) for this cycle before he leaves for private practice.
Again, I wished that I will have good lining when I go for my first scan. I read from SMF that one lady took 2 weeks to grow her lining?
So, I started to make red bean soup and going for my weekly TCM acpunctures again.
I'm glad my AF came and I quickly called KKH to report.
Mine is a medicated cycle with Prognovoya tablets for 10 days (and so).
Happy that everything is going on schedule. I need to catch my precious Dr Loh (and his magical hands) for this cycle before he leaves for private practice.
Again, I wished that I will have good lining when I go for my first scan. I read from SMF that one lady took 2 weeks to grow her lining?
So, I started to make red bean soup and going for my weekly TCM acpunctures again.
Monday, October 24, 2011
Experience of Yoga and Healing sessions
While waiting for my October menses to come, I am busy attending Mdm Tan's yoga classes twice a week and once a week healing session.
I'm enjoying the lessons and what is so special is that she incorporates holistic stuff in her yoga lessons. Sometimes we hold crystals where they will absorb all negativity from our body ie. all the stress from work, the unhappiness in our body. I always have a good 20- 30 min nap after her lesson.
During some of the healing sessions, at certain times, I feel an energy ball running across my chest or around my body - a tiny trickling feeling.
Another time, I felt an airy flowing feeling from my feet moving up to my body and it was a floating feeling. My entire body feels floating up, moving, circulating.... but subsconsciously, I do feel that my butt is still on the bed.
Other times, I fall into a relaxing sleep. I leave the sessions feeling refreshed and re-energised.
It is now 35th day after my September menses and I'm wondering why my October AF had not reported.
I am hoping that my menses would come as soon as possible.
Again, feeling worried that my AF will be hay-wired with all the injections and medications during my last fresh. If it's going to bedelayed till 40 or even to 60 days, I will not be able to make it to catch Dr Loh. Everyone knows he is leaving soon.
Mdm Tan asked me to relax and after a healing session, told me that my AF will definitely report next week! Great!! I'm waiting patiently for you!
Indeed, it came 3 days later. Thanks a lot!
I'm enjoying the lessons and what is so special is that she incorporates holistic stuff in her yoga lessons. Sometimes we hold crystals where they will absorb all negativity from our body ie. all the stress from work, the unhappiness in our body. I always have a good 20- 30 min nap after her lesson.
During some of the healing sessions, at certain times, I feel an energy ball running across my chest or around my body - a tiny trickling feeling.
Another time, I felt an airy flowing feeling from my feet moving up to my body and it was a floating feeling. My entire body feels floating up, moving, circulating.... but subsconsciously, I do feel that my butt is still on the bed.
Other times, I fall into a relaxing sleep. I leave the sessions feeling refreshed and re-energised.
It is now 35th day after my September menses and I'm wondering why my October AF had not reported.
I am hoping that my menses would come as soon as possible.
Again, feeling worried that my AF will be hay-wired with all the injections and medications during my last fresh. If it's going to bedelayed till 40 or even to 60 days, I will not be able to make it to catch Dr Loh. Everyone knows he is leaving soon.
Mdm Tan asked me to relax and after a healing session, told me that my AF will definitely report next week! Great!! I'm waiting patiently for you!
Indeed, it came 3 days later. Thanks a lot!
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Angel Therapy Cards - Parent!
After another of my healing session, Mdm Tan let me have a go at the Angel Therapy cards.
The first card shows the past, the second one shows the present and the third one shows the future.
The third card says "Parent".
Mdm Tan tells me that it is double confirmation that that I will a parent soon!
Happiness!!! No words can describe my feelings!!
Quickly whipped out my mobile phone to take a photo of the card and then lovingly save it and use it as my screen saver!
I'm brimming with hope, love and confidence now!
Thank you so much.
The first card shows the past, the second one shows the present and the third one shows the future.
The third card says "Parent".
Mdm Tan tells me that it is double confirmation that that I will a parent soon!
Happiness!!! No words can describe my feelings!!
Quickly whipped out my mobile phone to take a photo of the card and then lovingly save it and use it as my screen saver!
I'm brimming with hope, love and confidence now!
Thank you so much.
Saturday, October 8, 2011
Good news will come in Dec
I decided to share with Mdm Tan my problem - I have been wanting to conceive a child but without success and I failed my IVF fresh cycle.
She shared with me that she has successfully helped a lady to conceive her baby naturally (before she went for her IVF the next month). This lady has already given birth to a healthy cute baby girl now.
Looking forward to my weekly sessions.
Some time later, I received a message from Mdm Tan - she smiled and tells me that my long awaited dreams will come true in December!
Yes, I will be a parent in December!
Really!!!!!!! I don't know to believe a not. I tell myself that I must be positive and have faith..........if I keep thinking I can, I will be able to do it. Yipeeeeeeeeeeee!!!
It's only early October - I will need to wait for another 2 months more...
I have been all smiles, even smiling in my sleep!
Mdm Tan has just rescued me from the darkest deepest dungeon!
This TTC journey is really like a roller coaster ride......
She shared with me that she has successfully helped a lady to conceive her baby naturally (before she went for her IVF the next month). This lady has already given birth to a healthy cute baby girl now.
Looking forward to my weekly sessions.
Some time later, I received a message from Mdm Tan - she smiled and tells me that my long awaited dreams will come true in December!
Yes, I will be a parent in December!
Really!!!!!!! I don't know to believe a not. I tell myself that I must be positive and have faith..........if I keep thinking I can, I will be able to do it. Yipeeeeeeeeeeee!!!
It's only early October - I will need to wait for another 2 months more...
I have been all smiles, even smiling in my sleep!
Mdm Tan has just rescued me from the darkest deepest dungeon!
This TTC journey is really like a roller coaster ride......
Sunday, October 2, 2011
My first healing session
I like the yoga class. Mdm Tan slows down the pace for me and being a beginner, I felt it's just nice. Not too difficult. What I like is that the class is relatively small like 6-8 students.
In fact most of them are students of Mdm Tan for a long time - its just like a small family. Her place is her cosy and clean.
Today I also had my first healing lesson. It was a general clearing of "toxics/ negativity" in my body.
I just had to lie down on a bed (something like facial) and Mdm Tan covered me and my eyes with towels. I just need to lie down, stay relaxed and be comfortable. She turns on the music and the healing begins.
I can feel her placing her hands on my head and over my body in certain patterns. I feel warmth coming from her hands. My experience was deep relaxation with a calming influence over my whole body.
After the session, Mdm Tan told me that she has noticed that I have a lot of stuff in my head and she tried to clear as much as she can.
Yeah, I know, a lot of worries, mental stress, thinking of my work, when can I have my baby....
Mdm Tan also told me that she felt that my tummy was weak. Exact issue she doesn't know, but the message is that there is some issue with it.
Hmmm...... I did not tell her I have problem conceiving. Well, seems that what she says is related to this issue?
Anyway, I told her that I will go for her weekly heading sesssion. I reckoned I don't have much time left, only about 1 more month or so before I start on my FET.
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Starting Yoga class with Yoga Inn
My friend after heaing my BFN, advised me to take up some form of exericse. Told me she took up Tai Ji for close to a year before she conceived again after her miscarriage earlier.
Hmm, isn't that an old fashioned exercise. I don't like Tai Ji leh.
Hah! I think I will decide to try yoga instead.
I googled for yoga and then chanced upon a website http://www.yoga-inn.com/ and decided to give it a try.
Why? What attracted me is that they have healing sessions! Something which I had been interested in since years ago but didn't have the chance to try it. I have been always intrigued by such holistic stuff.
Glad to find a place where I can try yoga and know more about healing at the same time.
I contacted Yoga Inn and spoke to Mdm Tan - there I went for my first Yoga lesson. What I also liked is that Yoga Inn don't offer those expensive yoga packages amounting to thousands of dollars.
I wanted a short course, like a 4-class package o that I can try it out first. Besides I'm planning to go for my FET when my menses come in October, so this small 4-class package is just nice for me.
If I like it, I can sign up for another 4 class, else can also go for the 8-class package. I hope the pace will be nice and the lesson not too difficult as I have never done yoga before.......
Hmm, isn't that an old fashioned exercise. I don't like Tai Ji leh.
Hah! I think I will decide to try yoga instead.
I googled for yoga and then chanced upon a website http://www.yoga-inn.com/ and decided to give it a try.
Why? What attracted me is that they have healing sessions! Something which I had been interested in since years ago but didn't have the chance to try it. I have been always intrigued by such holistic stuff.
Glad to find a place where I can try yoga and know more about healing at the same time.
I contacted Yoga Inn and spoke to Mdm Tan - there I went for my first Yoga lesson. What I also liked is that Yoga Inn don't offer those expensive yoga packages amounting to thousands of dollars.
I wanted a short course, like a 4-class package o that I can try it out first. Besides I'm planning to go for my FET when my menses come in October, so this small 4-class package is just nice for me.
If I like it, I can sign up for another 4 class, else can also go for the 8-class package. I hope the pace will be nice and the lesson not too difficult as I have never done yoga before.......
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Not pregnant - failed my 1st fresh cycle
I am feeling so devastated.
I had brown discharge over the last 2 days and went to KKH to do my BT.
In 2 hours time, the result is out.. Yes, I failed it.
The result is negative (less than 1.2).
Yes, I'm not pregnant.
Why are things not going well for me??? Life is so depressing.............
Sianzzz...........I do not know how to carry on with my life.
There is nothing to look forward to - its just work, home, sleep, work, home, sleep again.
When can I feel my bundle of joy?
Crying tears of sadness............................
Guess I have to plan for my FET now. I emailed my doctor and he said I can start in my October menses. I have 3 more snow babies - I really really hope they can survive the thaw and I can have my dreams come true...........
My fresh cycle did not yield too good results too - out of 10 retrieved, I only had 5 usuable embroyos and 2 of them are "wasted" now. I'm left with 3 little precious ones (of grade 3 only).
I don't know what I can do to make this work except to make sure I'm healthy. I cannot fall sick with flu etc. I need to exercise to keep healthy. No cold drinks, no ice-cream, no tea, no coffee. What else can I do? Sigh...
I had brown discharge over the last 2 days and went to KKH to do my BT.
In 2 hours time, the result is out.. Yes, I failed it.
The result is negative (less than 1.2).
Yes, I'm not pregnant.
Why are things not going well for me??? Life is so depressing.............
Sianzzz...........I do not know how to carry on with my life.
There is nothing to look forward to - its just work, home, sleep, work, home, sleep again.
When can I feel my bundle of joy?
Crying tears of sadness............................
Guess I have to plan for my FET now. I emailed my doctor and he said I can start in my October menses. I have 3 more snow babies - I really really hope they can survive the thaw and I can have my dreams come true...........
My fresh cycle did not yield too good results too - out of 10 retrieved, I only had 5 usuable embroyos and 2 of them are "wasted" now. I'm left with 3 little precious ones (of grade 3 only).
I don't know what I can do to make this work except to make sure I'm healthy. I cannot fall sick with flu etc. I need to exercise to keep healthy. No cold drinks, no ice-cream, no tea, no coffee. What else can I do? Sigh...
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